Ego and ambition have two very different centers of gravity. Ambition is about mission, growth, impact, and the “what’s next.” In contrast, the ego is about validation, credit, and personal status. While the two should be easy to distinguish, the line is often blurred by those who feel uncomfortable with a woman’s success (Op, did I say that?).
My journey has been no exception.
My drive has always been about the music. I strive to be my best so that my students—and the music we create together—can truly prevail. I give 100% of myself to my work, fueled by a deep sense of care and a naturally high-octane work ethic. Trust me, I didn’t move to Texas for the weather; I moved here because I love the band world that much!
I thrive in a team dynamic; in fact, collaborating with other musicians is one of my favorite aspects of being a director. But while my efforts are driven by passion, I’ve learned that high intensity can act as a mirror, often reflecting a lack thereof in others.
Yet, instead of inspiring others to rise with me, it became clear that my drive and personal rigor, the very assets that got me hired, were viewed over time as threats. To be agreeable and a “team player,” I learned to dim my own light.
I over-accommodated, I turned firm statements into hesitant questions to avoid sounding too definitive (“We should probably move the deadline, right?”), I apologized for taking up space, for asking necessary questions, or, frankly, for existing. I downplayed my successes and held back in meetings to avoid showing anyone up—even spending excessive time crafting extra-nice emails to ensure I never came across as too intense.
It made me miserable. I hated this version of myself, and I eventually reached my breaking point.
To this day, unlearning these habits is my greatest professional challenge. I’m learning to accept that ambition is good and important, but inherently disruptive. High achievement sounds badass on paper, but in practice, it can be an isolating journey. If this sounds familiar, here is the perspective I’ve gained throughout my career that I hope helps you navigate your own:
Find friends who operate at your speed. Having a high-level echo chamber keeps your perspective from being warped by low performers.
Protect your energy. Share your big moves with those who have the vision to help you execute them, rather than those who will only see them as a threat to themselves.
Quit asking for a seat you’ve already earned: A lifelong journey toward acceptance for a female people-pleaser, myself included!
Raise others as you climb. This is one of the toughest tasks we face as women, because patriarchy and misogyny have conditioned us to see each other as a threat. Mentoring someone or giving credit where it’s due proves your drive isn’t about being the only one at the top; it’s about raising the standard for everyone!
If your focus is truly on the work, the ensemble, and the mission, then your drive isn’t a character flaw; it’s an advantage. Keep your standards high, your mission clear, and your volume up. The right people—the ones who want to climb as high as you do—will meet you there!!